The List

Since it's so far from my birthday and so close to the new year, I'm not sure how to classify this list. However, here is the list of things I hope to accomplish in the coming year. Some things are suggestions from my friends, others are personal goals and many of them are carryovers from this year. Send suggestions if you have them.

• Take a drama class. (Thanks Kismet.)
  
• Go on 12 dates. (Down from 50.) (Thanks MJ.)
  
• Climb Mt. St. Helen's, an active volcano. (Thanks JRP.)
  
• Write a children's book for survivors of sexual abuse. (Thanks MJ.)
• Attend at least one social event per week.
• Attend an artistic/cultural event at least once per week.
• Spend at least 30 minutes per day with myself - journaling, writing, meditating, etc.
• Develop a spiritual process. (Purposefully vague. I don't know what this will look like.) (Thanks b.)
  
• Connect with a friend at least once per week.
• Learn to swim.
• Attend a live music event at least once every 2 months. (Thanks Coop.)
  
• Achieve my goal weight of 135lbs by April 1 and maintain it within a 5lb range.
• Take an art class.
• Participate in the AIDS Run/Walk. Decrease my time (38:23) by 5 min and raise $500.
• Cook at least one meal per week.
• Finish/launch my website.
• Bungee jump.
• Volunteer at least once per month.
• Create/maintain a monthly budget.
  
• Get a realistic idea of how much house I can afford and work towards home ownership.
• Get together with local friends at least once per month.
• Create/launch personal project.
• Travel outside of the continent.
• Take at least one vacation.

I'm ready to make this year even better than the last. Here goes nothing.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~ Hal Borland

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~ Oprah Winfrey

The Final Final Update

28 by 28

1. Complete my MEd program. - DONE! with distinction and accomplished my 4.0 goal!
2. Pass the National Counselor Exam. - I am now a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.
3. Lose 20lbs more and keep it off. - This is the hardest thing I've had to do. I haven't lost any more lately and actually gained a lot (to me) due to the cruise and the holidays. I'll be on a new plan at the start of the year but back to my regular eating habits starting today. This has taught me how my emotions are tied to eating. I'm much more aware than I was. Even when I decide to gorge on chicken nachos or a ridiculous mix from Cold Stone, I know why. One day I'll actually stop myself. Next goal? Maybe.
4. Maintain a workout regimen. - I have been able to do this at certain periods. This is usually tied to what is going on in my life but I'm learning to make it a priority.
5. Try meditation. - Haven't done this seriously. I was in the middle of setting up a space in my home when I had to move. Haven't gotten back to it yet.
6. Visit Canada. - This didn't happen but it is no longer a priority. I realized that I had already been to Canada to see Niagara Falls when I visited Cornflake Girl. My only reason for going was to have been to all the countries in North America. So, I may make it or I may not. No biggie.
7. Apply/Be prepared to apply to doctoral programs. - Reevaluating... - I'm not ready yet. I want to work in my field for a bit. And decide what I want to do. Plus with the economy, funding is uncertain. So we will see.
8. Participate in an AIDS Walk/Run. - I did it! I actually ran and raised $150. I'll do it again and reduce my time and increase my donations.
9. Color my hair. I cut it! - Not gonna color it. I loved the look but not the dryness and damage from the last time I colored it. It's so short now and my main goal is longer, stronger curls. So no color. For now.
10.Travel outside of North America. - Done. See pictures. Thanks Kismet. Probably wouldn't have done it without you.
11. Take a dance class or 3. - I took salsa and bellydancing classes. I also took a pole dancing workshop but it was after my birthday. Hopefully, there will be more to come in the new year.
12. Perfect 28 new dishes. - I don't really know what happened with this. I've tried a lot of new dishes with the vegan thing and dieting. I love cooking more beans and vegetables. I haven't counted, but I am learning to cook better food and make better eating choices.
13. Create a professional website. - This is still in the making. I need more professional photos but I will get it done by spring.
14. Go to a play, museum or something artistic once a month. - I was able to do this a couple of times but definitely not every month.
15. Complete an art class. - I kept putting this one off since I was thinking of moving but I will definitely take at least one in the coming year.
16. Create a vision board. - It turned out differently than I imagined but I did it. I love it. I just have to look at it more.
17. Skydive. - I did it. It was amazing.
18. Call 1 friend per week. - Um, yeah. This so hasn't happened consistently. Don't even know how I still have friends.
19. Take tennis lessons. - I don't think I want to learn to play tennis. It was just an idea and I think it was linked to someone else who played and the fact that there were courts at my old gym. If I learn great, if I don't I'll live. I've been thinking about racquetball since they have courts at my new gym.
20. Volunteer for the hotline at least once a month. - I didn't do this and I am looking for new volunteer opportunities since the hotline is too much like my job.
21. Learn to swim. - Haven't done this either. I do want to learn.
22. Teach myself sign language. - I haven't done this either. I wanted to learn to help my niece but I just teach myself, and review with her, the words she learns in school.
23. Attend one social event per month. (Thanks T.) - Haven't paid attention but I think I have. I'll probably up it to once per week.
24. Dedicate one day per month to myself. (Thanks BL.) - Somehow, someway, I've done this often, usually unintentionally.
25. Read half the books on my reading list. - Um, yeah no. There is a TV in my bedroom at mom's house. I've also had trouble being still and connecting to anything recently. That is definitely required for reading. I hope I'm able to settle down a little bit and regain some focus in the new year.
26. Write a blog post at least once every two weeks. - Some times I did this. Sometimes I didn't but given the number of posts on my new blog, I guess it averages out.
27. Treat myself to a makeover - hair, makeup, wardrobe. - Um, I think I kinda did this. I have to be more consistent at putting effort into what I look like.
28. Create and stick to a realistic monthly budget. - I haven't done this but have somehow managed. My main goal was not to run out of money before I found a job. Next year, I'll actually set a savings goal.
29. Study, read, blog, etc. in a public place at least once every two weeks. - I didn't do this consistently either but it was just to get myself out of the house and to better focus on studying and possibly meet new people.
30. Learn to let people go. - This will always be a process. I think I'm getting better with it but I need to be more direct about it.

Maybe I should have sent this list out to my friends instead of just the things I actually did. Then, they wouldn't think I was bragging. I learned I can do things that don't require a long term commitment or me asking other people to join me. Over the next year, I will work on committing to things and reaching out to others to help me, listen to me, or just join me on some randomness. I plan to finalize and post my next set of goals by the end of the year. Though I didn't do nearly all that I set out to do, it has been an amazing year and journey.

It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done. ~ Samuel Johnson

Happy Holidays!

It's Christmas Eve and I am at work. I also fell trying to get to my car this morning and ruined my lunch. I could be complaining, as most people would, but I won't. If I haven't said it enough, I love my job and I'm happy to be able to do the work that I do with amazing women. I am also extremely grateful for the people in my life - those who are there for me daily and those I only get to see or talk to once in a while. Last night, I had a great time reconnecting with old friends. I love that though so many things have changed, when we get together it always feels like nothing has. I'm grateful for all of those people, and two in particular, who believe in me and no matter what I tell them I've done or has happened to me, they are never really that surprised. Over the next week, before the start of the new year, I hope to let those people know how awesome they are and how much they mean to me. I hope you take the time to do the same for those people in your life.

The Whole Body Action Plan

I'm trying this Whole Body Action Plan at the start of the new year. The Whole Body Action Plan is a 4-week guide to achieving total mind-body wellness. Check it out if you are looking to start the new year off by taking care of your mind and body. It includes daily emails with recipes and updates and an online community.

I Just Want to be Happy

... and I'm working on it everyday. Someone posted this link on Twitter and I thought I'd share it here as we approach the holiday season and the coming year. I practice some of the habits daily, have never tried others, and some I struggle with all of the time. I hope this leads you a few steps closer to your own happiness. Which habits do you practice? Which ones are hard for you to practice?

21 Habits of Happy People

August 25th, 2008 by Cindy Holbrook

“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Happiness is one aspiration all people share. No one wants to be sad and depressed.

We’ve all seen people who are always happy – even amidst agonizing life trials. I’m not saying happy people don’t feel grief, sorrow or sadness; they just don’t let it overtake their life. The following are 21 things happy people make a habit of doing:

1. Appreciate Life

Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

I Am Awesome.

Period.

Yes, I have my vulnerabilities and insecurities. They are all over this blog but I do have a certain belief in my own ability to make things happen for myself. I feel no different about my friends and most people with whom I come into contact. My family always encouraged me to do great things even though (I'm learning as an adult) they may not have actually believed what they were saying. They taught me that I really could do anything. I internalized that, not only for myself, but for those around me. I had dinner with two old friends this weekend and they poked fun at my list of things I accomplished (in their own supportive ways) and followed it up with how awesome I am. It took me a second to say, "Yes. I am awesome. I can own that." But I also wanted to remind them that they are equally awesome. I only set some goals and went after them. Some I accomplished. Some I didn't. Then I decided (after a lot of internal debate and struggle) to share them with friends directly and ask for feedback to help me set next year's goals as opposed to just blogging about them. I didn't do that to make myself seem big in the eyes of others but only to force myself to reach out and to trust them to support me.

My goal is never to make anyone feel as if they can't do anything. In fact, I'm always the person encouraging people to do the thing that they think they can't do. I remember encouraging the high school bf to take the exam to get into an AP course that I was in and to reapply for job that I got that he didn't. Both worked out in his favor. I find myself encouraging b. to do things or at take steps towards some projects that she says she wants to start. (See my comments here.)

I plan to blog about my accomplishments, and lack there of, later this week. Please know that my own reflection upon, and celebration of, my own accomplishments is not meant to take away from those of anyone else - only push my own growth further and if it pushes you to take one step towards your dream, even better. Expect me to encourage you, and help if I can, if you share your goals and dreams with me. I honestly believe that you can make it happen. If you aren't at a place where you can tackle your own awesome adventure, join me on one of mine.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson

(Stolen) Question of the Day

My favorite poet/writer on Twitter posed this question today. I'll share my answer below. Share yours in the comments or your own blogs.

What is one thing you learned/cherished about yourself in 2009 and one thing you wish to leave behind forever? ~ @basseyworld

I learned that I can do anything I set my mind to and no matter how unconventional, risky, or scary, things will work out. I know this sounds trite - like something your parents or mentors tell you - but I really felt and lived it this year. Looking back over the year, I made less money than I have since graduating from undergrad and I did so much more than ever before. I took 4 trips this year which isn't unusual for me but two of those were actual vacations - not just booking a flight and crashing at a friends place. Plus, I traveled to France. I know people with full-time jobs who wouldn't ever think of doing any of those things. I'll write a separate post but I also did some other pretty cool things that I wanted to do despite the fact that this has been my craziest and least financially stable year yet. So I cherish my ability to step outside of my box or to expand it. I value the inner voice that helps me deal with disappointments and bad times knowing that it will all work out in the end.

On the other hand, while I trust myself, I don't trust other people. I would love to leave that behind. While trust shouldn't be given freely, I find that I don't even trust those "closest" to me. Those that I do trust seem to be so far away and the settings in which I feel comfortable sharing with them only happen once a year at most. Perhaps this is by my own design. I hope to leave this behind to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with friends and family. I hope that I can do this and hope that others can prove themselves worthy of my trust. Being vulnerable is not comfortable and has never felt safe for me but it's time for me to do it anyway.

So this is what forgiveness feels like? I doubt anyone noticed but I actually deleted my blog a couple of weeks ago. I was in bad a place and instead of reaching out I withdrew. I didn't call people. I canceled plans. I stayed in my room and watched TV. I deleted my blogs. Since then, I've come up with all these great reasons why it was a good thing to get rid of it - maybe it would make me journal or finally finish my website. Despite all of that, I can't tell you how hopeful I was when I went to change my profile picture and saw that I had 3 blogs and how excited I was when I saw the "undelete blog" link. It's like getting a second chance. They don't happen often in real life but I'm thankful for this virtual one.

Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past. ~ Unknown

Tough Love

This morning, I watched Tough Love on VH1. If you're not familiar with the show - a matchmaker and his mother assess the reasons why a group of women can't find love and help them work on their issues. I want someone to do that for me (see previous post) but I don't want to do it on TV. I've been telling people for years that I just want some guys to watch me be me and give me their honest first impressions. My friends seem to think I'm crazy but that's exactly what they did on the episode I saw today. Three guys gave their honest impressions of the women from just watching them walk and also in a speed dating situation. They were surprisingly accurate. The furthest I've gotten was a friend's bf saying that I appear "uptight" but he wouldn't go into any more detail. What's the big deal? I just want some honest feedback. I know I'm communicating something and I would like to know what that is. Somebody help me out without having to go on VH1.

There's language in her eye, her cheek, her lip,
Nay, her foot speaks; her wanton spirits look out
At every joint and motive of her body.
~ William Shakespeare

"Why Aren't You Married?"

I find this question strange, awkward, and impossible to answer. That's exactly how I felt when I went to drop off my clothes at the Salvation Army and the guy asked why I didn't have any diamonds on my left hand. I swiftly replied "that's not for me to answer." However, upon further reflection, I had to admit that I have a lot of responsibility for my current relationship status. This wasn't the first time I thought about it. In fact, the question "Ready to get married?" is prominently displayed on my vision board as a reminder for me to figure out if I'm ready or if it is even something I want. So I'm going to attempt to make a list of reasons I'm not married or, more accurately, why I'm perpetually single. Here goes...

• I'm fiercely independent.
• I'm equally as codependent.
• I don't trust people.
  
• I'm shy and awkward.
• I've always had bad bedroom feng shui.
• I don't demand enough of others.
• I can and do take care of myself.
• I get what I want, not what others think I should have.
• I'm educated. (Not that it's a bad thing but it's been a problem for few guys.)
• I have a hard outer shell.
• I'm too mushy on the inside.
• I fear rejection.
• I have daddy issues.
• I don't go out.
• I work in female-dominated fields.
• I won't let you be right "just because."
• I've been thoroughly trained on the cycle of violence and won't tolerate even the tiniest attempts to control me.
• I find safety in invisibility.
• I have a very clear picture of how I will meet my husband (in a doctoral program) but I'm not in that situation.
• I don't really know what I want in a partner. (Could be a good thing.)
• I fight dirty. Yes, I know the rules of fair fighting. I don't follow them.
  
• I value my freedom to do as I please without taking another person into account.
  

Enough painful honesty for one night... If you're bold enough, tell me what I missed or share reasons you think you're in your current relationship status, whatever that may be.

"You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere." ~ Unknown

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." ~ Sex in the City

(Stolen) Question of the Day

"If you had $1 for every person you've slept with, what could you buy?" ~ R.B. & D.F.

This question received a lot of comments when I originally saw it. If you're bold enough to answer, go ahead. However, I post it more as a reflection. One comment that struck me compared the number of people who were allowed to borrow a car or clothes to the number of people with whom they've shared their body. Do you have higher standards for your car, your favorite jeans, or even money than you do for your own body? I'm not preaching to anyone. It just made me think. I thought I would share.

Random Websites

I've realized in my time off that I spend a lot of time online. I've found some pretty great and random websites. Here's what keeps me entertained besides facebook and twitter. What are yours?

PostSecret - I love this website. Maybe it's the counselor in me but freeing your secrets is kinda powerful.
This is Why You're Fat - Most of this stuff is disgusting but there are definitely a couple things I would eat.
Fuck My Life - The title says it all.
Texts From Last Night - I remember, a couple years back, whenever I went out I gave a friend my phone to hold. This website is for the people who don't.
People of Walmart - You know that time you threw on anything just to run to the store real quick. This is why you should never do that again.

What am I missing?

Suggestions Please: Volunteering

I love volunteering. Plus I have more time on my hands now that I'm out of school. I want to be more involved. However, I'm looking to do something a little less emotionally draining than in the past. I've been a mentor, a crisis counselor, and tutor just to name a few. However, my current job takes a lot more out of me than my past positions. As much as I love direct service, I'd like to make a difference without adding a lot of stress to my life worrying about my mentee, tutee, or callers. So what are some ways that I can be involved? I'm particularly interested in HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, and sexual assault awareness and prevention. Thanks in advance.

I was taught that the world had a lot of problems; that I could struggle and change them; that intellectual and material gifts brought the privilege and responsibility of sharing with others less fortunate; and that service is the rent each of us pays for living, the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time or after you have reached your personal goals.
~ Marian Wright Edelman

Updates

It's been a while. I've been a little crazy with starting work, studying for my exam, and then trying to return to life as usual.

• I started my job. - I love it. I love what I do. I love the schedule. I love the flexibility and all the holidays we get. I love that going on the cruise within my probationary period won't be a problem.
• I passed the National Counselor Exam! - All of that studying (and money) paid off. I'm just waiting on the state to issue my license.
• My birthday is approaching. - Yes. I'm making another list. I'm asking for your help on this one too so get your ideas ready. I get health and dental coverage on my birthday! You know I'm getting old when I get excited about being able to go to the doctor.
  
• The cruise is approaching. - It's a little more than 30 days away. I'm excited but I need to get back in the gym. The blog isn't the only thing that's been neglected over the last few weeks. Plus, my trainer bounced and now I have to find a new one that fits my schedule and will make me go hard. I tried this new guy on Saturday and he was trying to go easy on me. I'm giving him another shot on Saturday though. I'm gonna try to keep up with spiderlgs and make it to the gym 4-5 times per week.

Now that my life is back to normal, I'll try to get back to my daily randomness.

I saw this on fb today and figured someone out there could use a reminder. I know I could...

I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was! - fb friend

It's a Celebration!

I received a job offer tonight. I'm really excited about it. In fact, I believe it is the perfect job for me. I'll be working with the population in which I'm most interested. The people and organization that I'll be working with are great. I'm so ready to begin my professional career! I can't even imagine what it's like to go to work and not have to worry about a class or a paper. I'm already looking for volunteer opportunities and social activities to take up all of my "free" time. I'm sure I'll head back to school again at some point but I'm going to enjoy "only" working.

This job came right on time. Well, it could have come a lot sooner but I was focused on DC. I think it may have been a distraction while this job came along. I love my DC girls but I definitely have a lot of reasons to be here. The job came when I was almost at the end of my financial rope. I have two weeks until my exam and this will help me to focus my studying. I'm enjoyed my time off, as stressful as it was, but I'm glad that it's over. I start Wednesday.

What is the recipe for successful achievement? To my mind there are just four essential ingredients: Choose a career you love, give it the best there is in you, seize your opportunities, and be a member of the team. ~ Benjamin F. Fairless

According to the birthday book I read yesterday, diets are not for me. I'm inclined to agree.

The waiting game sucks. That is all.

Evaluating Your Relationship...

I participated in the Webinar. They listed 5 broad questions to check your relationship but for some reason, I can't copy any info from it. Here are two lists that I found that cover it though. There is some overlap but you can never know too much about this issue.

Am I Being Abused?

How is your relationship?

Does your partner:

• Embarrass you with put-downs?
• Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
• Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
• Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
• Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
• Make all of the decisions?
• Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
• Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
• Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
• Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
• Force you to try and drop charges?
• Threaten to commit suicide?
• Threaten to kill you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

Check Your Relationship

If you think you or someone you know might be in an abusive relationship, but aren't sure, answer the following questions:

1. Can you name at least five characteristics of your partner that you really admire and like?
2. Is your partner glad that you have other friends?
3. Does your partner ask for your opinion and respect it?
4. Do you consider your partner a friend?
5. Do you "act like yourself" when you are with your partner?
6. Does your partner check up on you or want you to say where you've been after you've been apart?
7. Have you ever seen your partner throw, hit, or break things when angry?
8. Does your partner ever pressure you for sex?
9. Does your partner ever put you down, either when you're alone or when you're out together?
10. Are you ever frightened by your partner's temper?
11. Do you ever find yourself apologizing for your partner's behavior?
12. Has your partner ever done or said anything to you that made you fear for your own safety, the safety of your child or a pet, or someone else's safety?

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

2009 Week Without Violence Webinars

Check out these 3 webinars from the YWCA. Here is the information for today's webinar. Click the link to register and get details about the other 2.

OWN Your Power:
Forming Healthy Intimate Partner Relationships
Monday, October 19, 4:00 – 5:00 pm Eastern Time

Geared especially for young “Gen Y” women, ages 18 to 30, this webinar will provide a safe space to explore their own power to create healthy intimate partner relationships – their unique psychology, how to assess the health of their relationships, and how to recognize less obvious forms of abusive behavior in their relationships. The featured speaker will be
Dr. Janet Taylor, a psychiatrist based in New York City who is a frequent guest expert on CBS’s Early Show, NBC’s Today Show, and CNN’s Nancy Grace. She is also board chair of the Black Women’s Health Imperative and the mother of four daughters.

Doing Too Much

I've recently realized that I do entirely too much of nothing. At any given moment, I am watching TV, browsing the web, and playing a game on my phone. My attention is divided between all of them. Right now, I'm blogging and half-watching Desperate Housewives. I will likely prepare for my interview while watching Brothers and Sisters. I have no reason to multitask. I'm not working nor does anything really come from these mindless tasks. I need to start doing one thing at a time, even if it's only watching TV. I think it will help me to be more present with whatever I am doing.

Multitasking is the art of distracting yourself from two things you’d rather not be doing by doing them simultaneously.

Hopefully, it will also push me to do something I actually want to do. What are your distractions keeping you from doing?

The List

I haven't dated in so long that I usually don't think about it until someone asks "so, are you seeing someone?" That question has come up a lot lately. While I would like to date I don't exactly know what I'm looking for in a mate. I've been told that some people are too picky, and I'm sure I could be, but I don't even know where to start. I remember making a list in undergrad but I have no idea where it is or what is on it. So I guess I'll get the ball rolling again here.

My List

• Educated
• Career-oriented
• Adventurous
• Traveler
• Reader
• Fit/Healthy
• Funny
• Stable (Emotionally & Financially)
  

What's on your list? What do you think I should add to mine?

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Why I Don't Watch the "News"

I often feel bad that I don't watch the news. Sometimes people will ask me if I've heard about some random event but I usually don't know what is going on outside of my world until it's on facebook or twitter. I know I should be ashamed of myself as an EBP but I'm not. Too much random stuff passes for news and when something makes the news it's on every show. Yesterday's "balloon boy" incident is a prime example of why news isn't exactly news.

During a study break, I saw comments about the story on fb and twitter. I finally turned my TV to CNN and MSNBC to see what was going on. While they were searching for the boy, they spoke to people about the family, including the "psychic" wife with whom they swapped. However, the screen read "BREAKING NEWS" even though there was nothing new to report. They were just filling time and airwaves keeping the country on pins and needles about the fate of this young man. A collective sigh of relief was breathed when the boy was found. I thought "ok they found him end of story." Not so much. The family has appeared on a number of shows in the last 24 hours and has been mentioned in every news broadcast since. Why can't they just go away? Why do we need to know the details of the family and what it was like for them to look for Falcon? Frankly, I don't care. I want them to go back to normal and I don't want to see them on TV. I don't know if it was a prank or publicity stunt but if the "news" didn't make people instant celebrities over something this random, it wouldn't even be an issue.

When I turn on the news I want to see actual news for everything else I'll read a blog.

News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising.
~ Lord Northcliffe

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.
~ Gloria Borger

Babies, Babies, Babies...

Am I the only one whose facebook feed has been taken over by new moms and their babies? Don't get me wrong, I love babies. I love parents who take care of their children, are excited about their child's birth and growth, who seek suggestions from other caring parents, and whose babies are nothing like these or these. However, thanks to facebook, I can probably tell you the best stroller, car seat, cloth diaper and child care around. It just reminds me that I'm growing up, or at least the people around me are. Babies are way off my radar right now. I'm focused on getting a job, mostly so I can afford my shopping habit. Would it be shallow of me to ask who has the best deals on work clothes, which boots are hot this season, and where I can get the best alterations? ...cause that's definitely where my head is right now.

Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.
~Charles Osgood

P.S. Feel free to leave answers to the above questions in a comment.

A Little Bit Closer

Some of you have heard me mention the exam that I need to take or have at least seem it on my 28 by 28. It has been a long process of applications, fees, and waiting. Yesterday, I received the email that I've been waiting months for saying that I am eligible to take the National Counselor Exam. I registered for the exam last night and I will take it on Friday, November 6 at 9:00am CST. I started preparing months ago which lets you know how important this is. I am a serious procrastinator. (Studying is not a strength of mine. So please send well wishes, prayers, study tips, and reminders to get back to work.) I am focused. I am ready to take the next step to becoming a licensed professional counselor. I am hopeful that a job will insert itself on that path soon.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. ~Henry Ford

Goapele lyrics

Goapele - Closer Video - Goapele Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

What Happened to "Worse"?

I know I'm not the best at grammar. It's been years since I taught it and even longer since I learned but I distinctly remember this.

Positive    Comparative        Superlative
good        better             best
bad         worse              worst

However, I keep seeing worst used in place of worse on twitter, blogs, and fb statuses. Ex. "She By Sheree is worst than Closet Freak." "Derrick J. is worst than RuPaul." Does this make any sense to you? Generally, I excuse it as a simple typo but I've seen it repeatedly by professionals and PhDs. So, I have to ask, did I miss something? Did we collectively agree to omit worse from the English language? or could folks use a 3rd grade refresher?

Can't Wait Until Saturday

Because, thus far, this Friday sucks. I woke up to a dark, dreary, cold, and rainy morning. I went to the gym for my normal 5:45 cycling class and training session. The cycling class was fine but the training session was hell. In the first five minutes, I looked in the mirror, appraised my body and thought "this is good enough, I'm tired of this shit." However, I continued with the workout and it was still hell. In fact, I sweated about as much as I imagine I would in hell. Then I went home thinking "I can't wait to get home from dropping my mom off for her appointment so I can shower." I took my mom to the oral surgeon's office and still had to get my niece breakfast and drop her off at my grandmothers house. Then, I was told that I needed to stay at the office for the entire sugery. WTF! I'm pissed. So after dropping off niece, I'm sitting in the waiting room cold, sweaty,and hungry (McDonald's isn't in the 4-day diet) with nothing to do. I don't even have so much as a book when I have studying to do and job applications to complete. So glad I have an iPhone.

You might be thinking I should have known I would have to stay. You're right. Well, I think my mom should have known or asked. But to me, it's not a big deal. She is getting one tooth removed. A few years ago, I drove myself downtown to have 4 teeth removed and even went shopping afterwards all while my little cousins were spending the weekend with me.

So for me, today can't end soon enough and it's just barely 9am. Tomorrow is Vegan Mania and yes, I'm excited.

This is So Foul...

yet kinda funny.

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

This is a true F My Life moment.

Who Needs Enemies...

when you have friends like this.

My girl left me this voicemail while I was in the library working on job applications. I find it hilarious because it's totally something my mom would say to me and something I would definitely think. That's why she's my friend.

"Where are you? I know you're at home or doing something where you can talk on the phone. Maybe. Well, you have to be. You have no job. You have no reason not to pick up. So, call me back. Bye."

Can you guess who said it?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

If you can't tell, preventing domestic violence is a cause that I am passionate about. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Below are things you can do. I may post more information and resources throughout the month. Read. Act. Pass it on.

Thirteen Ways Any ADULT Can Make Ending Domestic Violence His or Her Business.

1. Cultivate a respectful attitude toward women in your family and at your workplace. Avoid behaviors that demean or control women.
2. When you are angry with your partner or children, respond with out hurting or humiliating them. Model a non-violent, respectful response to resolving conflicts in your family. Call a domestic violence or child abuse prevention program for their help if you continue to hurt members of your family.
3. If you have a friend or co-worker who is afraid of her partner or who is being hurt, offer her your support and refer to the 24-hour, toll-free, National Domestic violence Hotline number at 1-800-799- SAFE (7233).
4. Learn about domestic violence services in your community. Contribute your time (volunteer!) resources, or money. Call 1-800-END-ABUSE to find out more.
5. Call the police if you see or hear violence in progress.
6. Talk to your friends and neighbors when they belittle women, make a joke about violence, or ignore a battered woman.
7. Ask you local government to collaborate with domestic violence programs to conduct a safety audit of your community.
8. Write to music producers, movie companies, Internet businesses, video game producers, and TV stations to speak out about violence against women.
9. Develop a women’s safety campaign in your workplace, neighborhood, school or house of worship. Build a consensus among your colleagues and neighbors that abusive behavior and language is unacceptable.
10. Bring together your local domestic violence program staff, parents, teachers, students, and school administrators to start a discussion about developing a school- based curriculum on dating and family violence.
11. Ask that physicians and other health care professionals receive training about domestic violence and follow the diagnostic and treatment guidelines about domestic violence, child abuse, elder abuse developed by the American Medical Association.
12. Co-sponsor a citizens’ monitoring group with your local domestic violence program to insure that law enforcement officers, judges, and probation & parole personnel receive training about domestic violence and enforce the law.
13. EXAMINE YOUR OWN LIFE for violence and oppressive behaviors. Try to live a VIOLENCE-FREE life.

Information provided by the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence and the National Domestic Violence Awareness Project.  June, 2000. MaryAdele Revoy, Project Coordinator. 1-800-537-2238.

28 Days...

is the time it takes to complete the 7 modules of the 4-day diet. I've tried this diet a few times before and I think I made to the middle of the third phase. For the next 28 days I am going to attempt to follow the diet plan. Why now?

• I am less than 2 months from birthday have not reached my goal weight.
• I am a little more than 2 months away from a cruise.
• I have been working out consistently. I've seen improvements but my weight hasn't really budged.
• I have to reduce my body fat percentage.
  
• It's time to push myself to get the results I want.
• I'm not really doing anything else.

Here is a review of the diet from WebMD. If you are looking to lose a few pounds, check it out and join me.

The 4 Day Diet: What It Is

Are you tired of strict diets that offer the same foods every day? If you like variety and a focus on winning mind games, The 4 Day Diet may be the diet plan for you.

You're not going to lose weight in just four days, as you might infer from the title. Instead, The 4 Day Diet plan is a series of seven phases or modules, each lasting four days, with an expected weight loss of 10-12 pounds over 28 days. During each module, you focus on specific foods or food categories (no calorie counting) and exercise recommendations.

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


It is a good and safe rule to sojourn in every place as if you meant to spend your life there, never omitting an opportunity of doing a kindness, or speaking a true word, or making a friend. ~ Ruskin

Today, I ran my first 5k in the AIDS RunWalk. I struggled but I finished. I also had a breakthrough. I think I know what my next long-term project will be. I'll tell more later as I flesh it out. Now, it's time to rest and reflect on the day's accomplishments, breakthroughs, and insights.

None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Countdowns...

I have a lot going on right now. I'm almost too tired to write to this post but I'm sticking to my goals (well, some of them). I will go into more detail about what I need to accomplish by the first two deadlines at a later date.

b. and I leave for our cruise to the Bahamas in 74 days.

My 28th birthday is in 60 days.

I have my first in-person job interview in over 2 years in 3 days.

I run in my first 5K ever in a little more than 12 hours. Wish me luck!

Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~ Charles Richards

I need to make every day count.

To My Friends...

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life." ~ Unknown

Phone Calls...

I think I have made it more than clear that I hate making phone calls. I put it off until the last minute in my personal life and even at work. I just hate picking up the phone. However, over the last few months, I've tried to do it more and I've truly enjoyed the results. I've had conversations about everything - life, love, astrology, purchasing a home. Nothing makes me feel better than spending an hour or so catching up with my girls, both near and far. It may take a couple of days or weeks to get in touch but each time I hear their voice I'm reminded of our wonderful friendship. So despite not reaching my weekly goal, I'm so glad I made picking up the phone a priority. I only hope to get better at it.

“A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.”
~ Pam Brown

Laugh Out Loud Moment

On my way home this evening, I was listening to the Doug Banks Show on the radio. They were talking about Kanye having a tantrum over not being offered chicken at Common's benefit concert this past weekend. blah, Blah, BLAH!

Then, they joked about Doug getting jacked for chicken!

Apparently, Doug went through a Popeye's drive-thru with the windows down, put the chicken in the passenger seat and some kids reached in, grabbed the chicken and ran. Ok, so maybe that isn't that funny but I thought of how pissed, shocked, and genuinely hurt I would be if I got jacked for some chicken. And that is hilarious!

How would you react?

WTF: 50 Cent - Baby by Me

Last night, I saw something on Twitter about 50 Cent's new song sounding like "hababaybuhbymebaybuhbeuhmillionaire." I was confused by the word jumble but didn't pay it much attention. Then this morning on my way to the gym, I heard it loud and clear. Even in my 5:30am pre-workout haze, I was certain this was the song and that it was 100% pure fuckery. I just kept wondering is this supposed to be a pick-up line or the new marriage proposal? Either way it's wack. See for yourself. Of course, it's NSFW.



Then, his website encourages you get relationship advice from 50?!? Um, no thank you. I'll pass. There are so many things wrong with this song. How many can you name? You don't even have to listen to the whole song. I know I couldn't.

TV Has Taken Over My Life!

When thinking of today's post, I kept coming up with TV shows and I wanted to get it done before the season premiers of Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. I realized that my day at home revolves around what is on TV. I don't read any more. I rarely listen to music. I don't study for my exam and I can barely get job stuff done at home. Honestly, I've never really been that productive at home but I haven't watched this much TV in a while. I think it is because I have a television in my bedroom.

In my apartment, my bedroom was reserved for sleeping and reading. There was an occasional late night movie on the laptop or lazy morning internet browsing but I didn't watch TV, pay bills, do work, etc. in my bedroom. Now almost everything I do occurs in my bedroom - TV, bills, job searching, eating, etc. There seems to be no time for reading because I'm looking for random stuff on TV or reaching for my macbook. Sleep only comes when I'm dead tired. I've got to make some changes before my brain turns to mush.

I want to put down the remote but Wife Swap, Law & Order (all 3 of them), Bridezillas, RHOA, Project Runway, Police Women of Broward County, Amazing Wedding Cakes, and True Life keep calling my name.

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your (bed) room by people you wouldn't have in your home. ~David Frost

Taking My Own Advice

I gave b. a long list of suggestions for things she could do on her vacation. I decided to take my own advice and try to de-clutter my life before I start working again. The first thing I wanted to tackle was my wardrobe. I did really well getting rid of old workout clothes and random t-shirts but I'm can't seem to part with other clothing items. There are some things that I've never worn, and I'm pretty sure I never will, but I just can't toss them. Then there are things that I've worn lots of times and that should probably be retired but I still want to put them on on lazy days. I know that I'm going to struggle with this with pretty much all of my belongings so this is where I need your help...

What are some things you do or tell yourself to help you part with things? Also, what are some things that you are always too busy to do that I should think about while I have time on my hands?

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. -- Havelock Ellis

A New Challenge

I want to challenge myself to workout everyday. I'm working out regularly and consistently 3-4 times per week. However, I'm not seeing the kind of results that I want. I've noticed that I have more stamina and endurance and I am definitely stronger. However, my weight has stayed in the same 10lb range since last winter. (I could be more consistent with my diet and that is coming soon.) My current workout routine consists of a cycling class, weight training with my trainer, and some ab work, squats, weights, and brief cardio on my own. I want to incorporate more exercises into my routine. So, what are some of your favorite exercises? Has anyone tried working out everyday? How long has it lasted? How did you keep from getting bored? injured? I don't do so well working out at home. How do you stay motivated at home? All suggestions are welcomed.

Random Thoughts...

from today's trip to the gym.

1. Young Jeezy claims to "Put On" for his city, yet I have no idea what city he's from.
2. Creepy old dude in the dress shoes, staring at me without so much as a head nod or hello makes you that much creepier. Find something else to look at.
3. How many "I think I'm late" texts do you think Li'l Wayne received over the last twelve months? At least two.
4. Lady with the big pink foam roller in your bang and rest of your hair flowing freely, today will be a bad hair day.
5. Nelly, please rewind your life. You new music sucks but your old tracks will forever remind me of waking up to indigo ass prints on the walls and paint shavings on the floor.
   

What Do You Think?

I was just about to look for a video or something to post because despite all of the ideas I had to write about today, the words wouldn't come tonight. Then I refreshed my Twitter feed and saw this.

0 more result since you started searching. Refresh to see them.

RevRunWisdomSum of u like 2 wrk alone.. but isolation is actually a sickness...

This caught my eye because I like, and often prefer, to do things alone. This goes beyond work and projects. I went skydiving by myself, dance classes, museums, plays, etc. Most of the time when I tell people that I want to do something and they offer to do it with me, I'm thinking "Did I ask you?" It's cool to have people around to share experiences with but sometimes I'd rather not. Or maybe it's more the coordination and compromise that I don't like. Somehow something I wanted to do has to be fit into someone else's schedule, budget, convenience, etc. I don't know what it is. Anyway, what do you think about it? Is it strange? a good thing? a bad thing? "a sickness?" Be honest.

Today, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes.

All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare. - Benedict Spinoza

I hope something excellent is indeed on the other side.

This is Harder Than I Thought

Posting something everyday is hard, but I'm going to keep doing it. I don't really have much to say today. I'm just really thankful for my friends. I have a more elaborate post in mind but today I just want to say thanks. Thanks for being you and knowing when I need you.

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. ~Plautus

I've been thinking about what to post all day. Today, was better than yesterday - I got out of the house, read a book on my reading list, and received a call from my niece that would make anyone smile. I still didn't know what to write. The last few months have been an exercise in faith and patience, both lessons that I asked to learn. However, I didn't think it would be this difficult. The early days were great - filled with trips and fun but now it's getting hard. Lately, I haven't been as carefree and light-hearted about things. I know they will work out but I'm getting worried, sad, and sometimes angry. Tonight, I saw these words that made me want to change my attitude. Bear with me in the process.

"Wait on God with a smile." - Rev. Run

Ups & Downs

Earlier this week, I jumped out of a plane with a man strapped to my back. Today, I don't want to leave my room. I want to lay in bed and watch TV and I am contemplating how to teleport food from the fridge to microwave and up to my room. Ugh! I just want to know about this job already and I really don't want to go through this again with another position. So, I hope that I hear some good news. I hate this part. In the meantime, I'm going to try to pick myself up, get moving, and live my vision...

Time Changes Nothing

I heard this quote this morning when Oprah played back past clips of Dr. Phil. It struck me because... well, it's true. Time, in and of itself, changes nothing - no, not even the project that you want to start, the degree you want to get, that man that you think will "grow out of it" nor those childhood issues that you've been carrying all this time. Change takes preparation, work, energy, and endurance. Depending on what you want to change, you may need to take some classes, start saving money, seek counseling, get out of a relationship or repair one, reach out to someone, etc. The list is endless. The point is that you have to do something. If you want to start something new or want something different, start making those preparations today. There is nothing wrong with not being where you want to be. Not taking steps to get there today, and everyday, is another story.

So the next time you put something off, remember that time changes nothing (except your age).

In Limbo...

I don't like this feeling of uncertainty. However, I'm learning to live with it and pay attention to my feelings and emotions throughout this period. I'm trying not to get "stuck" again as I wait for answers. I'm realizing that uncertainty is definitely not a comfortable feeling for me. It keeps me from appreciating the "now" in anticipation of the future. I'm making an conscious effort to keep moving and live in the now, even if I'm still a little worried about tomorrow.

Insight enables you to know your own heart. Clarity enables you to accept without illusion. ~ Deepak Chopra

Dear Stranger,

I am not a girl. I am a woman. I am not your girlfriend. I don't know you. Do not call me SoulSista. We are not related and this is 2009. I am not a Rasta, RastaSista, or any other variation. No, I am not particularly "Afrocentric." Do you even know what that word means? No, that other black "girl" is not my friend. I didn't come here with her and I don't even know her name. I don't want to play "do you know my black friend?" I just want to do whatever the hell it is I came here to do without a discussion of race or you pretending to know anything more about me than what I tell you.

Sincerely,

identitycrisis

Skydiving

Freefalling

I finally checked skydiving off of my 28 by 28! I thought about doing it so many times this summer. Today, I made the appointment and drove out to MiddleofNowhere, IL. I was nervous on the phone, thought I was getting a migraine before I even got to the highway, and had second thoughts about going alone as I got closer to the place. Ironically, once I signed away all of my legal rights, the nerves went away. I sat around for a couple of uneventful hours waiting for my turn. I got a few butterflies right before we jumped but I was fine overall. The freefall was scary and exhilarating. I struggled to catch my breath and still try to take decent pics and make a decent video. When we reached 5,000ft, I actually pulled the cord for the parachute! I was told that only 1 in 4 people actually do it and I was the first person with my instructor to pull it today. The view was amazing, even if it was mostly corn and soybean fields. I could see the campus of NIU in the distance and a faint and cloudy view of the city. I had a lot of fun and I can't wait to do it again.

Skydiving was both an exercise in trust and self-confidence/determination. It also symbolized my current position in life. Without any real commitments or responsibilities right now, I feel like I am on top of the world, weighing my options, and contemplating when and how to take the leap. Taking that leap is both exciting and a little frightening. This jump taught me that I can rely on myself and someone else. Before going up, I was a little worried that I would freeze up - I wouldn't get into the proper position, I wouldn't pull the cord, I wouldn't even want to get out of the plane. I did each of these tasks with ease and even better than most, according to Paul the traveling skydiving instructor. I worried that I wouldn't be able to trust this man with my life. But I did. It was a little awkward having a stranger all in my personal space. I was physically closer to this man that I just met than I've been with anyone in a long time, but I felt safe. It was great knowing that I was in control but, if for some reason, I didn't rise to the challenge, someone else was there to make sure that I landed safely. I'm going to try to apply this to my real life - taking the leap and doing the work on my own while still trusting that someone will have my back if I fall.

I am going to jump out of a plane today. That is all for now.

Feel Fabulous

One of the phrases on my vision board is "Feel Fabulous." This morning, I felt anything but. I was getting ready to go to an early movie with b. and planning to wear a pair of old faded jeans and a quickly fading black sweater. Nothing about that ensemble said fabulous or living color. I glanced over my vision board and decided that I wanted to "feel fabulous" and bring a little color to my life. So I changed my outfit to a cute pair of jeans, a colorful top, and bright earrings. Yes, I felt kinda fabulous. Just changing my attitude about the day and what I was going to wear changed my day. I enjoyed the movie, an outdoor lunch, and spending time with niece on the swings and the tunnel slide. I didn't even care when she put her feet on me and got playground dirt all over my jeans. I will try to do a little something to "feel fabulous" every day because this day definitely rose to the challenge and matched my mood.

My Vision Board

Pardon the glare. It's framed.

I finally created my vision board. This has been on my to-do list for over a year. It was originally my counselor's idea and something we were supposed to do as a part of termination. However, my hectic work schedule (and possibly some resistance) led to a lot of cancellations and I was left to complete it on my own. I asked b. to do one with me last summer. I also thought it would be a good idea to do at the BBG sleepover last summer. However, I didn't sit down to do it until this week. I thought it would be a good idea to visualize what I want as I enter this next phase of my life. It took me hours and countless magazines to complete it. I expected it to be more visual and specific but I found myself cutting out more words and phrases than anything. Some of it may be the magazines that I had access to. However, I think my board reflects where I am in life. Materially, I don't need as much. I have a car, furniture, and enough money to survive and do most of what I want (for now). At this point, I'm seeking more personal growth, trying to live each day to the fullest, building stronger relationships, and conquering fears. My visions board reflects that along with my desire to travel, find love, and have financial security. It still has a lot of blank space. Maybe this represents my new commitment to openness. I may add things as I come across them or do new boards periodically. I encourage you to create a vision board of your own. The link below gives some useful information about different types of vision boards and how to create and use them from a woman who literally wrote a book on vision boards. I didn't use it, but maybe next time.

What is a Vision Board?

A vision board (also called a Treasure Map or a Visual Explorer or Creativity Collage) is typically a poster board on which you paste or collage images that you’ve torn out from various magazines. It’s simple.

The idea behind this is that when you surround yourself with images of who you want to become, what you want to have, where you want to live, or where you want to vacation, your life changes to match those images and those desires.

Why I Love India.Arie

I listen to India.Arie before job interviews, specifically "I Choose" and "Embrace the Mystery." This week, due to iTunes issues, I couldn't listen before my phone interview and didn't think to get the CD out of my car. Needless to say, when I got to my car, it was first thing I listened to. I was reintroduced to the interludes from her 3rd album. They have provided me with my new daily prayer and a new challenge - to live and love with an open heart. Through this blog you get to witness me tackle this challenge, encourage and push me, and call me on my BS along the way. Here are the words to the interludes for your personal enjoyment and reflection.

"Intro: Loving"

Oh God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change
The courage to change the things that I can
The wisdom to know the difference
Oh ooh and God give me the courage to love with an open heart,
An open heart, an open heart I wanna love with an open heart

"Interlude: Living"

In the face of the unexpected
you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow,
but I wanna live, I wanna live, I wanna live.
I wanna live, I wanna live, I wanna live, with an open heart


"Outro: Learning"

The highest expression of love is to give without expecting,
the highest expression of love is to accept without exceptions.
I have so much to learn, I have so much to learn, have so much to learn,

Welcome.