Tough Love

This morning, I watched Tough Love on VH1. If you're not familiar with the show - a matchmaker and his mother assess the reasons why a group of women can't find love and help them work on their issues. I want someone to do that for me (see previous post) but I don't want to do it on TV. I've been telling people for years that I just want some guys to watch me be me and give me their honest first impressions. My friends seem to think I'm crazy but that's exactly what they did on the episode I saw today. Three guys gave their honest impressions of the women from just watching them walk and also in a speed dating situation. They were surprisingly accurate. The furthest I've gotten was a friend's bf saying that I appear "uptight" but he wouldn't go into any more detail. What's the big deal? I just want some honest feedback. I know I'm communicating something and I would like to know what that is. Somebody help me out without having to go on VH1.

There's language in her eye, her cheek, her lip,
Nay, her foot speaks; her wanton spirits look out
At every joint and motive of her body.
~ William Shakespeare

"Why Aren't You Married?"

I find this question strange, awkward, and impossible to answer. That's exactly how I felt when I went to drop off my clothes at the Salvation Army and the guy asked why I didn't have any diamonds on my left hand. I swiftly replied "that's not for me to answer." However, upon further reflection, I had to admit that I have a lot of responsibility for my current relationship status. This wasn't the first time I thought about it. In fact, the question "Ready to get married?" is prominently displayed on my vision board as a reminder for me to figure out if I'm ready or if it is even something I want. So I'm going to attempt to make a list of reasons I'm not married or, more accurately, why I'm perpetually single. Here goes...

• I'm fiercely independent.
• I'm equally as codependent.
• I don't trust people.
  
• I'm shy and awkward.
• I've always had bad bedroom feng shui.
• I don't demand enough of others.
• I can and do take care of myself.
• I get what I want, not what others think I should have.
• I'm educated. (Not that it's a bad thing but it's been a problem for few guys.)
• I have a hard outer shell.
• I'm too mushy on the inside.
• I fear rejection.
• I have daddy issues.
• I don't go out.
• I work in female-dominated fields.
• I won't let you be right "just because."
• I've been thoroughly trained on the cycle of violence and won't tolerate even the tiniest attempts to control me.
• I find safety in invisibility.
• I have a very clear picture of how I will meet my husband (in a doctoral program) but I'm not in that situation.
• I don't really know what I want in a partner. (Could be a good thing.)
• I fight dirty. Yes, I know the rules of fair fighting. I don't follow them.
  
• I value my freedom to do as I please without taking another person into account.
  

Enough painful honesty for one night... If you're bold enough, tell me what I missed or share reasons you think you're in your current relationship status, whatever that may be.

"You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere." ~ Unknown

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." ~ Sex in the City

(Stolen) Question of the Day

"If you had $1 for every person you've slept with, what could you buy?" ~ R.B. & D.F.

This question received a lot of comments when I originally saw it. If you're bold enough to answer, go ahead. However, I post it more as a reflection. One comment that struck me compared the number of people who were allowed to borrow a car or clothes to the number of people with whom they've shared their body. Do you have higher standards for your car, your favorite jeans, or even money than you do for your own body? I'm not preaching to anyone. It just made me think. I thought I would share.

Random Websites

I've realized in my time off that I spend a lot of time online. I've found some pretty great and random websites. Here's what keeps me entertained besides facebook and twitter. What are yours?

PostSecret - I love this website. Maybe it's the counselor in me but freeing your secrets is kinda powerful.
This is Why You're Fat - Most of this stuff is disgusting but there are definitely a couple things I would eat.
Fuck My Life - The title says it all.
Texts From Last Night - I remember, a couple years back, whenever I went out I gave a friend my phone to hold. This website is for the people who don't.
People of Walmart - You know that time you threw on anything just to run to the store real quick. This is why you should never do that again.

What am I missing?

Suggestions Please: Volunteering

I love volunteering. Plus I have more time on my hands now that I'm out of school. I want to be more involved. However, I'm looking to do something a little less emotionally draining than in the past. I've been a mentor, a crisis counselor, and tutor just to name a few. However, my current job takes a lot more out of me than my past positions. As much as I love direct service, I'd like to make a difference without adding a lot of stress to my life worrying about my mentee, tutee, or callers. So what are some ways that I can be involved? I'm particularly interested in HIV/AIDS, domestic violence, and sexual assault awareness and prevention. Thanks in advance.

I was taught that the world had a lot of problems; that I could struggle and change them; that intellectual and material gifts brought the privilege and responsibility of sharing with others less fortunate; and that service is the rent each of us pays for living, the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time or after you have reached your personal goals.
~ Marian Wright Edelman

Updates

It's been a while. I've been a little crazy with starting work, studying for my exam, and then trying to return to life as usual.

• I started my job. - I love it. I love what I do. I love the schedule. I love the flexibility and all the holidays we get. I love that going on the cruise within my probationary period won't be a problem.
• I passed the National Counselor Exam! - All of that studying (and money) paid off. I'm just waiting on the state to issue my license.
• My birthday is approaching. - Yes. I'm making another list. I'm asking for your help on this one too so get your ideas ready. I get health and dental coverage on my birthday! You know I'm getting old when I get excited about being able to go to the doctor.
  
• The cruise is approaching. - It's a little more than 30 days away. I'm excited but I need to get back in the gym. The blog isn't the only thing that's been neglected over the last few weeks. Plus, my trainer bounced and now I have to find a new one that fits my schedule and will make me go hard. I tried this new guy on Saturday and he was trying to go easy on me. I'm giving him another shot on Saturday though. I'm gonna try to keep up with spiderlgs and make it to the gym 4-5 times per week.

Now that my life is back to normal, I'll try to get back to my daily randomness.