Phone Calls...

I think I have made it more than clear that I hate making phone calls. I put it off until the last minute in my personal life and even at work. I just hate picking up the phone. However, over the last few months, I've tried to do it more and I've truly enjoyed the results. I've had conversations about everything - life, love, astrology, purchasing a home. Nothing makes me feel better than spending an hour or so catching up with my girls, both near and far. It may take a couple of days or weeks to get in touch but each time I hear their voice I'm reminded of our wonderful friendship. So despite not reaching my weekly goal, I'm so glad I made picking up the phone a priority. I only hope to get better at it.

“A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.”
~ Pam Brown

Laugh Out Loud Moment

On my way home this evening, I was listening to the Doug Banks Show on the radio. They were talking about Kanye having a tantrum over not being offered chicken at Common's benefit concert this past weekend. blah, Blah, BLAH!

Then, they joked about Doug getting jacked for chicken!

Apparently, Doug went through a Popeye's drive-thru with the windows down, put the chicken in the passenger seat and some kids reached in, grabbed the chicken and ran. Ok, so maybe that isn't that funny but I thought of how pissed, shocked, and genuinely hurt I would be if I got jacked for some chicken. And that is hilarious!

How would you react?

WTF: 50 Cent - Baby by Me

Last night, I saw something on Twitter about 50 Cent's new song sounding like "hababaybuhbymebaybuhbeuhmillionaire." I was confused by the word jumble but didn't pay it much attention. Then this morning on my way to the gym, I heard it loud and clear. Even in my 5:30am pre-workout haze, I was certain this was the song and that it was 100% pure fuckery. I just kept wondering is this supposed to be a pick-up line or the new marriage proposal? Either way it's wack. See for yourself. Of course, it's NSFW.



Then, his website encourages you get relationship advice from 50?!? Um, no thank you. I'll pass. There are so many things wrong with this song. How many can you name? You don't even have to listen to the whole song. I know I couldn't.

TV Has Taken Over My Life!

When thinking of today's post, I kept coming up with TV shows and I wanted to get it done before the season premiers of Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. I realized that my day at home revolves around what is on TV. I don't read any more. I rarely listen to music. I don't study for my exam and I can barely get job stuff done at home. Honestly, I've never really been that productive at home but I haven't watched this much TV in a while. I think it is because I have a television in my bedroom.

In my apartment, my bedroom was reserved for sleeping and reading. There was an occasional late night movie on the laptop or lazy morning internet browsing but I didn't watch TV, pay bills, do work, etc. in my bedroom. Now almost everything I do occurs in my bedroom - TV, bills, job searching, eating, etc. There seems to be no time for reading because I'm looking for random stuff on TV or reaching for my macbook. Sleep only comes when I'm dead tired. I've got to make some changes before my brain turns to mush.

I want to put down the remote but Wife Swap, Law & Order (all 3 of them), Bridezillas, RHOA, Project Runway, Police Women of Broward County, Amazing Wedding Cakes, and True Life keep calling my name.

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your (bed) room by people you wouldn't have in your home. ~David Frost

Taking My Own Advice

I gave b. a long list of suggestions for things she could do on her vacation. I decided to take my own advice and try to de-clutter my life before I start working again. The first thing I wanted to tackle was my wardrobe. I did really well getting rid of old workout clothes and random t-shirts but I'm can't seem to part with other clothing items. There are some things that I've never worn, and I'm pretty sure I never will, but I just can't toss them. Then there are things that I've worn lots of times and that should probably be retired but I still want to put them on on lazy days. I know that I'm going to struggle with this with pretty much all of my belongings so this is where I need your help...

What are some things you do or tell yourself to help you part with things? Also, what are some things that you are always too busy to do that I should think about while I have time on my hands?

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. -- Havelock Ellis

A New Challenge

I want to challenge myself to workout everyday. I'm working out regularly and consistently 3-4 times per week. However, I'm not seeing the kind of results that I want. I've noticed that I have more stamina and endurance and I am definitely stronger. However, my weight has stayed in the same 10lb range since last winter. (I could be more consistent with my diet and that is coming soon.) My current workout routine consists of a cycling class, weight training with my trainer, and some ab work, squats, weights, and brief cardio on my own. I want to incorporate more exercises into my routine. So, what are some of your favorite exercises? Has anyone tried working out everyday? How long has it lasted? How did you keep from getting bored? injured? I don't do so well working out at home. How do you stay motivated at home? All suggestions are welcomed.

Random Thoughts...

from today's trip to the gym.

1. Young Jeezy claims to "Put On" for his city, yet I have no idea what city he's from.
2. Creepy old dude in the dress shoes, staring at me without so much as a head nod or hello makes you that much creepier. Find something else to look at.
3. How many "I think I'm late" texts do you think Li'l Wayne received over the last twelve months? At least two.
4. Lady with the big pink foam roller in your bang and rest of your hair flowing freely, today will be a bad hair day.
5. Nelly, please rewind your life. You new music sucks but your old tracks will forever remind me of waking up to indigo ass prints on the walls and paint shavings on the floor.
   

What Do You Think?

I was just about to look for a video or something to post because despite all of the ideas I had to write about today, the words wouldn't come tonight. Then I refreshed my Twitter feed and saw this.

0 more result since you started searching. Refresh to see them.

RevRunWisdomSum of u like 2 wrk alone.. but isolation is actually a sickness...

This caught my eye because I like, and often prefer, to do things alone. This goes beyond work and projects. I went skydiving by myself, dance classes, museums, plays, etc. Most of the time when I tell people that I want to do something and they offer to do it with me, I'm thinking "Did I ask you?" It's cool to have people around to share experiences with but sometimes I'd rather not. Or maybe it's more the coordination and compromise that I don't like. Somehow something I wanted to do has to be fit into someone else's schedule, budget, convenience, etc. I don't know what it is. Anyway, what do you think about it? Is it strange? a good thing? a bad thing? "a sickness?" Be honest.

Today, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes.

All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare. - Benedict Spinoza

I hope something excellent is indeed on the other side.

This is Harder Than I Thought

Posting something everyday is hard, but I'm going to keep doing it. I don't really have much to say today. I'm just really thankful for my friends. I have a more elaborate post in mind but today I just want to say thanks. Thanks for being you and knowing when I need you.

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. ~Plautus

I've been thinking about what to post all day. Today, was better than yesterday - I got out of the house, read a book on my reading list, and received a call from my niece that would make anyone smile. I still didn't know what to write. The last few months have been an exercise in faith and patience, both lessons that I asked to learn. However, I didn't think it would be this difficult. The early days were great - filled with trips and fun but now it's getting hard. Lately, I haven't been as carefree and light-hearted about things. I know they will work out but I'm getting worried, sad, and sometimes angry. Tonight, I saw these words that made me want to change my attitude. Bear with me in the process.

"Wait on God with a smile." - Rev. Run

Ups & Downs

Earlier this week, I jumped out of a plane with a man strapped to my back. Today, I don't want to leave my room. I want to lay in bed and watch TV and I am contemplating how to teleport food from the fridge to microwave and up to my room. Ugh! I just want to know about this job already and I really don't want to go through this again with another position. So, I hope that I hear some good news. I hate this part. In the meantime, I'm going to try to pick myself up, get moving, and live my vision...

Time Changes Nothing

I heard this quote this morning when Oprah played back past clips of Dr. Phil. It struck me because... well, it's true. Time, in and of itself, changes nothing - no, not even the project that you want to start, the degree you want to get, that man that you think will "grow out of it" nor those childhood issues that you've been carrying all this time. Change takes preparation, work, energy, and endurance. Depending on what you want to change, you may need to take some classes, start saving money, seek counseling, get out of a relationship or repair one, reach out to someone, etc. The list is endless. The point is that you have to do something. If you want to start something new or want something different, start making those preparations today. There is nothing wrong with not being where you want to be. Not taking steps to get there today, and everyday, is another story.

So the next time you put something off, remember that time changes nothing (except your age).

In Limbo...

I don't like this feeling of uncertainty. However, I'm learning to live with it and pay attention to my feelings and emotions throughout this period. I'm trying not to get "stuck" again as I wait for answers. I'm realizing that uncertainty is definitely not a comfortable feeling for me. It keeps me from appreciating the "now" in anticipation of the future. I'm making an conscious effort to keep moving and live in the now, even if I'm still a little worried about tomorrow.

Insight enables you to know your own heart. Clarity enables you to accept without illusion. ~ Deepak Chopra

Dear Stranger,

I am not a girl. I am a woman. I am not your girlfriend. I don't know you. Do not call me SoulSista. We are not related and this is 2009. I am not a Rasta, RastaSista, or any other variation. No, I am not particularly "Afrocentric." Do you even know what that word means? No, that other black "girl" is not my friend. I didn't come here with her and I don't even know her name. I don't want to play "do you know my black friend?" I just want to do whatever the hell it is I came here to do without a discussion of race or you pretending to know anything more about me than what I tell you.

Sincerely,

identitycrisis

Skydiving

Freefalling

I finally checked skydiving off of my 28 by 28! I thought about doing it so many times this summer. Today, I made the appointment and drove out to MiddleofNowhere, IL. I was nervous on the phone, thought I was getting a migraine before I even got to the highway, and had second thoughts about going alone as I got closer to the place. Ironically, once I signed away all of my legal rights, the nerves went away. I sat around for a couple of uneventful hours waiting for my turn. I got a few butterflies right before we jumped but I was fine overall. The freefall was scary and exhilarating. I struggled to catch my breath and still try to take decent pics and make a decent video. When we reached 5,000ft, I actually pulled the cord for the parachute! I was told that only 1 in 4 people actually do it and I was the first person with my instructor to pull it today. The view was amazing, even if it was mostly corn and soybean fields. I could see the campus of NIU in the distance and a faint and cloudy view of the city. I had a lot of fun and I can't wait to do it again.

Skydiving was both an exercise in trust and self-confidence/determination. It also symbolized my current position in life. Without any real commitments or responsibilities right now, I feel like I am on top of the world, weighing my options, and contemplating when and how to take the leap. Taking that leap is both exciting and a little frightening. This jump taught me that I can rely on myself and someone else. Before going up, I was a little worried that I would freeze up - I wouldn't get into the proper position, I wouldn't pull the cord, I wouldn't even want to get out of the plane. I did each of these tasks with ease and even better than most, according to Paul the traveling skydiving instructor. I worried that I wouldn't be able to trust this man with my life. But I did. It was a little awkward having a stranger all in my personal space. I was physically closer to this man that I just met than I've been with anyone in a long time, but I felt safe. It was great knowing that I was in control but, if for some reason, I didn't rise to the challenge, someone else was there to make sure that I landed safely. I'm going to try to apply this to my real life - taking the leap and doing the work on my own while still trusting that someone will have my back if I fall.

I am going to jump out of a plane today. That is all for now.

Feel Fabulous

One of the phrases on my vision board is "Feel Fabulous." This morning, I felt anything but. I was getting ready to go to an early movie with b. and planning to wear a pair of old faded jeans and a quickly fading black sweater. Nothing about that ensemble said fabulous or living color. I glanced over my vision board and decided that I wanted to "feel fabulous" and bring a little color to my life. So I changed my outfit to a cute pair of jeans, a colorful top, and bright earrings. Yes, I felt kinda fabulous. Just changing my attitude about the day and what I was going to wear changed my day. I enjoyed the movie, an outdoor lunch, and spending time with niece on the swings and the tunnel slide. I didn't even care when she put her feet on me and got playground dirt all over my jeans. I will try to do a little something to "feel fabulous" every day because this day definitely rose to the challenge and matched my mood.

My Vision Board

Pardon the glare. It's framed.

I finally created my vision board. This has been on my to-do list for over a year. It was originally my counselor's idea and something we were supposed to do as a part of termination. However, my hectic work schedule (and possibly some resistance) led to a lot of cancellations and I was left to complete it on my own. I asked b. to do one with me last summer. I also thought it would be a good idea to do at the BBG sleepover last summer. However, I didn't sit down to do it until this week. I thought it would be a good idea to visualize what I want as I enter this next phase of my life. It took me hours and countless magazines to complete it. I expected it to be more visual and specific but I found myself cutting out more words and phrases than anything. Some of it may be the magazines that I had access to. However, I think my board reflects where I am in life. Materially, I don't need as much. I have a car, furniture, and enough money to survive and do most of what I want (for now). At this point, I'm seeking more personal growth, trying to live each day to the fullest, building stronger relationships, and conquering fears. My visions board reflects that along with my desire to travel, find love, and have financial security. It still has a lot of blank space. Maybe this represents my new commitment to openness. I may add things as I come across them or do new boards periodically. I encourage you to create a vision board of your own. The link below gives some useful information about different types of vision boards and how to create and use them from a woman who literally wrote a book on vision boards. I didn't use it, but maybe next time.

What is a Vision Board?

A vision board (also called a Treasure Map or a Visual Explorer or Creativity Collage) is typically a poster board on which you paste or collage images that you’ve torn out from various magazines. It’s simple.

The idea behind this is that when you surround yourself with images of who you want to become, what you want to have, where you want to live, or where you want to vacation, your life changes to match those images and those desires.

Why I Love India.Arie

I listen to India.Arie before job interviews, specifically "I Choose" and "Embrace the Mystery." This week, due to iTunes issues, I couldn't listen before my phone interview and didn't think to get the CD out of my car. Needless to say, when I got to my car, it was first thing I listened to. I was reintroduced to the interludes from her 3rd album. They have provided me with my new daily prayer and a new challenge - to live and love with an open heart. Through this blog you get to witness me tackle this challenge, encourage and push me, and call me on my BS along the way. Here are the words to the interludes for your personal enjoyment and reflection.

"Intro: Loving"

Oh God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change
The courage to change the things that I can
The wisdom to know the difference
Oh ooh and God give me the courage to love with an open heart,
An open heart, an open heart I wanna love with an open heart

"Interlude: Living"

In the face of the unexpected
you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow,
but I wanna live, I wanna live, I wanna live.
I wanna live, I wanna live, I wanna live, with an open heart


"Outro: Learning"

The highest expression of love is to give without expecting,
the highest expression of love is to accept without exceptions.
I have so much to learn, I have so much to learn, have so much to learn,

Welcome.