I saw this on fb today and figured someone out there could use a reminder. I know I could...

I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was! - fb friend

It's a Celebration!

I received a job offer tonight. I'm really excited about it. In fact, I believe it is the perfect job for me. I'll be working with the population in which I'm most interested. The people and organization that I'll be working with are great. I'm so ready to begin my professional career! I can't even imagine what it's like to go to work and not have to worry about a class or a paper. I'm already looking for volunteer opportunities and social activities to take up all of my "free" time. I'm sure I'll head back to school again at some point but I'm going to enjoy "only" working.

This job came right on time. Well, it could have come a lot sooner but I was focused on DC. I think it may have been a distraction while this job came along. I love my DC girls but I definitely have a lot of reasons to be here. The job came when I was almost at the end of my financial rope. I have two weeks until my exam and this will help me to focus my studying. I'm enjoyed my time off, as stressful as it was, but I'm glad that it's over. I start Wednesday.

What is the recipe for successful achievement? To my mind there are just four essential ingredients: Choose a career you love, give it the best there is in you, seize your opportunities, and be a member of the team. ~ Benjamin F. Fairless

According to the birthday book I read yesterday, diets are not for me. I'm inclined to agree.

The waiting game sucks. That is all.

Evaluating Your Relationship...

I participated in the Webinar. They listed 5 broad questions to check your relationship but for some reason, I can't copy any info from it. Here are two lists that I found that cover it though. There is some overlap but you can never know too much about this issue.

Am I Being Abused?

How is your relationship?

Does your partner:

• Embarrass you with put-downs?
• Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
• Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
• Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
• Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
• Make all of the decisions?
• Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
• Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
• Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
• Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
• Force you to try and drop charges?
• Threaten to commit suicide?
• Threaten to kill you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

Check Your Relationship

If you think you or someone you know might be in an abusive relationship, but aren't sure, answer the following questions:

1. Can you name at least five characteristics of your partner that you really admire and like?
2. Is your partner glad that you have other friends?
3. Does your partner ask for your opinion and respect it?
4. Do you consider your partner a friend?
5. Do you "act like yourself" when you are with your partner?
6. Does your partner check up on you or want you to say where you've been after you've been apart?
7. Have you ever seen your partner throw, hit, or break things when angry?
8. Does your partner ever pressure you for sex?
9. Does your partner ever put you down, either when you're alone or when you're out together?
10. Are you ever frightened by your partner's temper?
11. Do you ever find yourself apologizing for your partner's behavior?
12. Has your partner ever done or said anything to you that made you fear for your own safety, the safety of your child or a pet, or someone else's safety?

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

2009 Week Without Violence Webinars

Check out these 3 webinars from the YWCA. Here is the information for today's webinar. Click the link to register and get details about the other 2.

OWN Your Power:
Forming Healthy Intimate Partner Relationships
Monday, October 19, 4:00 – 5:00 pm Eastern Time

Geared especially for young “Gen Y” women, ages 18 to 30, this webinar will provide a safe space to explore their own power to create healthy intimate partner relationships – their unique psychology, how to assess the health of their relationships, and how to recognize less obvious forms of abusive behavior in their relationships. The featured speaker will be
Dr. Janet Taylor, a psychiatrist based in New York City who is a frequent guest expert on CBS’s Early Show, NBC’s Today Show, and CNN’s Nancy Grace. She is also board chair of the Black Women’s Health Imperative and the mother of four daughters.

Doing Too Much

I've recently realized that I do entirely too much of nothing. At any given moment, I am watching TV, browsing the web, and playing a game on my phone. My attention is divided between all of them. Right now, I'm blogging and half-watching Desperate Housewives. I will likely prepare for my interview while watching Brothers and Sisters. I have no reason to multitask. I'm not working nor does anything really come from these mindless tasks. I need to start doing one thing at a time, even if it's only watching TV. I think it will help me to be more present with whatever I am doing.

Multitasking is the art of distracting yourself from two things you’d rather not be doing by doing them simultaneously.

Hopefully, it will also push me to do something I actually want to do. What are your distractions keeping you from doing?

The List

I haven't dated in so long that I usually don't think about it until someone asks "so, are you seeing someone?" That question has come up a lot lately. While I would like to date I don't exactly know what I'm looking for in a mate. I've been told that some people are too picky, and I'm sure I could be, but I don't even know where to start. I remember making a list in undergrad but I have no idea where it is or what is on it. So I guess I'll get the ball rolling again here.

My List

• Educated
• Career-oriented
• Adventurous
• Traveler
• Reader
• Fit/Healthy
• Funny
• Stable (Emotionally & Financially)
  

What's on your list? What do you think I should add to mine?

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Why I Don't Watch the "News"

I often feel bad that I don't watch the news. Sometimes people will ask me if I've heard about some random event but I usually don't know what is going on outside of my world until it's on facebook or twitter. I know I should be ashamed of myself as an EBP but I'm not. Too much random stuff passes for news and when something makes the news it's on every show. Yesterday's "balloon boy" incident is a prime example of why news isn't exactly news.

During a study break, I saw comments about the story on fb and twitter. I finally turned my TV to CNN and MSNBC to see what was going on. While they were searching for the boy, they spoke to people about the family, including the "psychic" wife with whom they swapped. However, the screen read "BREAKING NEWS" even though there was nothing new to report. They were just filling time and airwaves keeping the country on pins and needles about the fate of this young man. A collective sigh of relief was breathed when the boy was found. I thought "ok they found him end of story." Not so much. The family has appeared on a number of shows in the last 24 hours and has been mentioned in every news broadcast since. Why can't they just go away? Why do we need to know the details of the family and what it was like for them to look for Falcon? Frankly, I don't care. I want them to go back to normal and I don't want to see them on TV. I don't know if it was a prank or publicity stunt but if the "news" didn't make people instant celebrities over something this random, it wouldn't even be an issue.

When I turn on the news I want to see actual news for everything else I'll read a blog.

News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising.
~ Lord Northcliffe

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.
~ Gloria Borger

Babies, Babies, Babies...

Am I the only one whose facebook feed has been taken over by new moms and their babies? Don't get me wrong, I love babies. I love parents who take care of their children, are excited about their child's birth and growth, who seek suggestions from other caring parents, and whose babies are nothing like these or these. However, thanks to facebook, I can probably tell you the best stroller, car seat, cloth diaper and child care around. It just reminds me that I'm growing up, or at least the people around me are. Babies are way off my radar right now. I'm focused on getting a job, mostly so I can afford my shopping habit. Would it be shallow of me to ask who has the best deals on work clothes, which boots are hot this season, and where I can get the best alterations? ...cause that's definitely where my head is right now.

Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.
~Charles Osgood

P.S. Feel free to leave answers to the above questions in a comment.

A Little Bit Closer

Some of you have heard me mention the exam that I need to take or have at least seem it on my 28 by 28. It has been a long process of applications, fees, and waiting. Yesterday, I received the email that I've been waiting months for saying that I am eligible to take the National Counselor Exam. I registered for the exam last night and I will take it on Friday, November 6 at 9:00am CST. I started preparing months ago which lets you know how important this is. I am a serious procrastinator. (Studying is not a strength of mine. So please send well wishes, prayers, study tips, and reminders to get back to work.) I am focused. I am ready to take the next step to becoming a licensed professional counselor. I am hopeful that a job will insert itself on that path soon.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. ~Henry Ford

Goapele lyrics

Goapele - Closer Video - Goapele Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

What Happened to "Worse"?

I know I'm not the best at grammar. It's been years since I taught it and even longer since I learned but I distinctly remember this.

Positive    Comparative        Superlative
good        better             best
bad         worse              worst

However, I keep seeing worst used in place of worse on twitter, blogs, and fb statuses. Ex. "She By Sheree is worst than Closet Freak." "Derrick J. is worst than RuPaul." Does this make any sense to you? Generally, I excuse it as a simple typo but I've seen it repeatedly by professionals and PhDs. So, I have to ask, did I miss something? Did we collectively agree to omit worse from the English language? or could folks use a 3rd grade refresher?

Can't Wait Until Saturday

Because, thus far, this Friday sucks. I woke up to a dark, dreary, cold, and rainy morning. I went to the gym for my normal 5:45 cycling class and training session. The cycling class was fine but the training session was hell. In the first five minutes, I looked in the mirror, appraised my body and thought "this is good enough, I'm tired of this shit." However, I continued with the workout and it was still hell. In fact, I sweated about as much as I imagine I would in hell. Then I went home thinking "I can't wait to get home from dropping my mom off for her appointment so I can shower." I took my mom to the oral surgeon's office and still had to get my niece breakfast and drop her off at my grandmothers house. Then, I was told that I needed to stay at the office for the entire sugery. WTF! I'm pissed. So after dropping off niece, I'm sitting in the waiting room cold, sweaty,and hungry (McDonald's isn't in the 4-day diet) with nothing to do. I don't even have so much as a book when I have studying to do and job applications to complete. So glad I have an iPhone.

You might be thinking I should have known I would have to stay. You're right. Well, I think my mom should have known or asked. But to me, it's not a big deal. She is getting one tooth removed. A few years ago, I drove myself downtown to have 4 teeth removed and even went shopping afterwards all while my little cousins were spending the weekend with me.

So for me, today can't end soon enough and it's just barely 9am. Tomorrow is Vegan Mania and yes, I'm excited.

This is So Foul...

yet kinda funny.

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

This is a true F My Life moment.

Who Needs Enemies...

when you have friends like this.

My girl left me this voicemail while I was in the library working on job applications. I find it hilarious because it's totally something my mom would say to me and something I would definitely think. That's why she's my friend.

"Where are you? I know you're at home or doing something where you can talk on the phone. Maybe. Well, you have to be. You have no job. You have no reason not to pick up. So, call me back. Bye."

Can you guess who said it?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

If you can't tell, preventing domestic violence is a cause that I am passionate about. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Below are things you can do. I may post more information and resources throughout the month. Read. Act. Pass it on.

Thirteen Ways Any ADULT Can Make Ending Domestic Violence His or Her Business.

1. Cultivate a respectful attitude toward women in your family and at your workplace. Avoid behaviors that demean or control women.
2. When you are angry with your partner or children, respond with out hurting or humiliating them. Model a non-violent, respectful response to resolving conflicts in your family. Call a domestic violence or child abuse prevention program for their help if you continue to hurt members of your family.
3. If you have a friend or co-worker who is afraid of her partner or who is being hurt, offer her your support and refer to the 24-hour, toll-free, National Domestic violence Hotline number at 1-800-799- SAFE (7233).
4. Learn about domestic violence services in your community. Contribute your time (volunteer!) resources, or money. Call 1-800-END-ABUSE to find out more.
5. Call the police if you see or hear violence in progress.
6. Talk to your friends and neighbors when they belittle women, make a joke about violence, or ignore a battered woman.
7. Ask you local government to collaborate with domestic violence programs to conduct a safety audit of your community.
8. Write to music producers, movie companies, Internet businesses, video game producers, and TV stations to speak out about violence against women.
9. Develop a women’s safety campaign in your workplace, neighborhood, school or house of worship. Build a consensus among your colleagues and neighbors that abusive behavior and language is unacceptable.
10. Bring together your local domestic violence program staff, parents, teachers, students, and school administrators to start a discussion about developing a school- based curriculum on dating and family violence.
11. Ask that physicians and other health care professionals receive training about domestic violence and follow the diagnostic and treatment guidelines about domestic violence, child abuse, elder abuse developed by the American Medical Association.
12. Co-sponsor a citizens’ monitoring group with your local domestic violence program to insure that law enforcement officers, judges, and probation & parole personnel receive training about domestic violence and enforce the law.
13. EXAMINE YOUR OWN LIFE for violence and oppressive behaviors. Try to live a VIOLENCE-FREE life.

Information provided by the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence and the National Domestic Violence Awareness Project.  June, 2000. MaryAdele Revoy, Project Coordinator. 1-800-537-2238.

28 Days...

is the time it takes to complete the 7 modules of the 4-day diet. I've tried this diet a few times before and I think I made to the middle of the third phase. For the next 28 days I am going to attempt to follow the diet plan. Why now?

• I am less than 2 months from birthday have not reached my goal weight.
• I am a little more than 2 months away from a cruise.
• I have been working out consistently. I've seen improvements but my weight hasn't really budged.
• I have to reduce my body fat percentage.
  
• It's time to push myself to get the results I want.
• I'm not really doing anything else.

Here is a review of the diet from WebMD. If you are looking to lose a few pounds, check it out and join me.

The 4 Day Diet: What It Is

Are you tired of strict diets that offer the same foods every day? If you like variety and a focus on winning mind games, The 4 Day Diet may be the diet plan for you.

You're not going to lose weight in just four days, as you might infer from the title. Instead, The 4 Day Diet plan is a series of seven phases or modules, each lasting four days, with an expected weight loss of 10-12 pounds over 28 days. During each module, you focus on specific foods or food categories (no calorie counting) and exercise recommendations.

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


It is a good and safe rule to sojourn in every place as if you meant to spend your life there, never omitting an opportunity of doing a kindness, or speaking a true word, or making a friend. ~ Ruskin

Today, I ran my first 5k in the AIDS RunWalk. I struggled but I finished. I also had a breakthrough. I think I know what my next long-term project will be. I'll tell more later as I flesh it out. Now, it's time to rest and reflect on the day's accomplishments, breakthroughs, and insights.

None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Countdowns...

I have a lot going on right now. I'm almost too tired to write to this post but I'm sticking to my goals (well, some of them). I will go into more detail about what I need to accomplish by the first two deadlines at a later date.

b. and I leave for our cruise to the Bahamas in 74 days.

My 28th birthday is in 60 days.

I have my first in-person job interview in over 2 years in 3 days.

I run in my first 5K ever in a little more than 12 hours. Wish me luck!

Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~ Charles Richards

I need to make every day count.

To My Friends...

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life." ~ Unknown