The List

Since it's so far from my birthday and so close to the new year, I'm not sure how to classify this list. However, here is the list of things I hope to accomplish in the coming year. Some things are suggestions from my friends, others are personal goals and many of them are carryovers from this year. Send suggestions if you have them.

• Take a drama class. (Thanks Kismet.)
  
• Go on 12 dates. (Down from 50.) (Thanks MJ.)
  
• Climb Mt. St. Helen's, an active volcano. (Thanks JRP.)
  
• Write a children's book for survivors of sexual abuse. (Thanks MJ.)
• Attend at least one social event per week.
• Attend an artistic/cultural event at least once per week.
• Spend at least 30 minutes per day with myself - journaling, writing, meditating, etc.
• Develop a spiritual process. (Purposefully vague. I don't know what this will look like.) (Thanks b.)
  
• Connect with a friend at least once per week.
• Learn to swim.
• Attend a live music event at least once every 2 months. (Thanks Coop.)
  
• Achieve my goal weight of 135lbs by April 1 and maintain it within a 5lb range.
• Take an art class.
• Participate in the AIDS Run/Walk. Decrease my time (38:23) by 5 min and raise $500.
• Cook at least one meal per week.
• Finish/launch my website.
• Bungee jump.
• Volunteer at least once per month.
• Create/maintain a monthly budget.
  
• Get a realistic idea of how much house I can afford and work towards home ownership.
• Get together with local friends at least once per month.
• Create/launch personal project.
• Travel outside of the continent.
• Take at least one vacation.

I'm ready to make this year even better than the last. Here goes nothing.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~ Hal Borland

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~ Oprah Winfrey

The Final Final Update

28 by 28

1. Complete my MEd program. - DONE! with distinction and accomplished my 4.0 goal!
2. Pass the National Counselor Exam. - I am now a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.
3. Lose 20lbs more and keep it off. - This is the hardest thing I've had to do. I haven't lost any more lately and actually gained a lot (to me) due to the cruise and the holidays. I'll be on a new plan at the start of the year but back to my regular eating habits starting today. This has taught me how my emotions are tied to eating. I'm much more aware than I was. Even when I decide to gorge on chicken nachos or a ridiculous mix from Cold Stone, I know why. One day I'll actually stop myself. Next goal? Maybe.
4. Maintain a workout regimen. - I have been able to do this at certain periods. This is usually tied to what is going on in my life but I'm learning to make it a priority.
5. Try meditation. - Haven't done this seriously. I was in the middle of setting up a space in my home when I had to move. Haven't gotten back to it yet.
6. Visit Canada. - This didn't happen but it is no longer a priority. I realized that I had already been to Canada to see Niagara Falls when I visited Cornflake Girl. My only reason for going was to have been to all the countries in North America. So, I may make it or I may not. No biggie.
7. Apply/Be prepared to apply to doctoral programs. - Reevaluating... - I'm not ready yet. I want to work in my field for a bit. And decide what I want to do. Plus with the economy, funding is uncertain. So we will see.
8. Participate in an AIDS Walk/Run. - I did it! I actually ran and raised $150. I'll do it again and reduce my time and increase my donations.
9. Color my hair. I cut it! - Not gonna color it. I loved the look but not the dryness and damage from the last time I colored it. It's so short now and my main goal is longer, stronger curls. So no color. For now.
10.Travel outside of North America. - Done. See pictures. Thanks Kismet. Probably wouldn't have done it without you.
11. Take a dance class or 3. - I took salsa and bellydancing classes. I also took a pole dancing workshop but it was after my birthday. Hopefully, there will be more to come in the new year.
12. Perfect 28 new dishes. - I don't really know what happened with this. I've tried a lot of new dishes with the vegan thing and dieting. I love cooking more beans and vegetables. I haven't counted, but I am learning to cook better food and make better eating choices.
13. Create a professional website. - This is still in the making. I need more professional photos but I will get it done by spring.
14. Go to a play, museum or something artistic once a month. - I was able to do this a couple of times but definitely not every month.
15. Complete an art class. - I kept putting this one off since I was thinking of moving but I will definitely take at least one in the coming year.
16. Create a vision board. - It turned out differently than I imagined but I did it. I love it. I just have to look at it more.
17. Skydive. - I did it. It was amazing.
18. Call 1 friend per week. - Um, yeah. This so hasn't happened consistently. Don't even know how I still have friends.
19. Take tennis lessons. - I don't think I want to learn to play tennis. It was just an idea and I think it was linked to someone else who played and the fact that there were courts at my old gym. If I learn great, if I don't I'll live. I've been thinking about racquetball since they have courts at my new gym.
20. Volunteer for the hotline at least once a month. - I didn't do this and I am looking for new volunteer opportunities since the hotline is too much like my job.
21. Learn to swim. - Haven't done this either. I do want to learn.
22. Teach myself sign language. - I haven't done this either. I wanted to learn to help my niece but I just teach myself, and review with her, the words she learns in school.
23. Attend one social event per month. (Thanks T.) - Haven't paid attention but I think I have. I'll probably up it to once per week.
24. Dedicate one day per month to myself. (Thanks BL.) - Somehow, someway, I've done this often, usually unintentionally.
25. Read half the books on my reading list. - Um, yeah no. There is a TV in my bedroom at mom's house. I've also had trouble being still and connecting to anything recently. That is definitely required for reading. I hope I'm able to settle down a little bit and regain some focus in the new year.
26. Write a blog post at least once every two weeks. - Some times I did this. Sometimes I didn't but given the number of posts on my new blog, I guess it averages out.
27. Treat myself to a makeover - hair, makeup, wardrobe. - Um, I think I kinda did this. I have to be more consistent at putting effort into what I look like.
28. Create and stick to a realistic monthly budget. - I haven't done this but have somehow managed. My main goal was not to run out of money before I found a job. Next year, I'll actually set a savings goal.
29. Study, read, blog, etc. in a public place at least once every two weeks. - I didn't do this consistently either but it was just to get myself out of the house and to better focus on studying and possibly meet new people.
30. Learn to let people go. - This will always be a process. I think I'm getting better with it but I need to be more direct about it.

Maybe I should have sent this list out to my friends instead of just the things I actually did. Then, they wouldn't think I was bragging. I learned I can do things that don't require a long term commitment or me asking other people to join me. Over the next year, I will work on committing to things and reaching out to others to help me, listen to me, or just join me on some randomness. I plan to finalize and post my next set of goals by the end of the year. Though I didn't do nearly all that I set out to do, it has been an amazing year and journey.

It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done. ~ Samuel Johnson

Happy Holidays!

It's Christmas Eve and I am at work. I also fell trying to get to my car this morning and ruined my lunch. I could be complaining, as most people would, but I won't. If I haven't said it enough, I love my job and I'm happy to be able to do the work that I do with amazing women. I am also extremely grateful for the people in my life - those who are there for me daily and those I only get to see or talk to once in a while. Last night, I had a great time reconnecting with old friends. I love that though so many things have changed, when we get together it always feels like nothing has. I'm grateful for all of those people, and two in particular, who believe in me and no matter what I tell them I've done or has happened to me, they are never really that surprised. Over the next week, before the start of the new year, I hope to let those people know how awesome they are and how much they mean to me. I hope you take the time to do the same for those people in your life.

The Whole Body Action Plan

I'm trying this Whole Body Action Plan at the start of the new year. The Whole Body Action Plan is a 4-week guide to achieving total mind-body wellness. Check it out if you are looking to start the new year off by taking care of your mind and body. It includes daily emails with recipes and updates and an online community.

I Just Want to be Happy

... and I'm working on it everyday. Someone posted this link on Twitter and I thought I'd share it here as we approach the holiday season and the coming year. I practice some of the habits daily, have never tried others, and some I struggle with all of the time. I hope this leads you a few steps closer to your own happiness. Which habits do you practice? Which ones are hard for you to practice?

21 Habits of Happy People

August 25th, 2008 by Cindy Holbrook

“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Happiness is one aspiration all people share. No one wants to be sad and depressed.

We’ve all seen people who are always happy – even amidst agonizing life trials. I’m not saying happy people don’t feel grief, sorrow or sadness; they just don’t let it overtake their life. The following are 21 things happy people make a habit of doing:

1. Appreciate Life

Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

I Am Awesome.

Period.

Yes, I have my vulnerabilities and insecurities. They are all over this blog but I do have a certain belief in my own ability to make things happen for myself. I feel no different about my friends and most people with whom I come into contact. My family always encouraged me to do great things even though (I'm learning as an adult) they may not have actually believed what they were saying. They taught me that I really could do anything. I internalized that, not only for myself, but for those around me. I had dinner with two old friends this weekend and they poked fun at my list of things I accomplished (in their own supportive ways) and followed it up with how awesome I am. It took me a second to say, "Yes. I am awesome. I can own that." But I also wanted to remind them that they are equally awesome. I only set some goals and went after them. Some I accomplished. Some I didn't. Then I decided (after a lot of internal debate and struggle) to share them with friends directly and ask for feedback to help me set next year's goals as opposed to just blogging about them. I didn't do that to make myself seem big in the eyes of others but only to force myself to reach out and to trust them to support me.

My goal is never to make anyone feel as if they can't do anything. In fact, I'm always the person encouraging people to do the thing that they think they can't do. I remember encouraging the high school bf to take the exam to get into an AP course that I was in and to reapply for job that I got that he didn't. Both worked out in his favor. I find myself encouraging b. to do things or at take steps towards some projects that she says she wants to start. (See my comments here.)

I plan to blog about my accomplishments, and lack there of, later this week. Please know that my own reflection upon, and celebration of, my own accomplishments is not meant to take away from those of anyone else - only push my own growth further and if it pushes you to take one step towards your dream, even better. Expect me to encourage you, and help if I can, if you share your goals and dreams with me. I honestly believe that you can make it happen. If you aren't at a place where you can tackle your own awesome adventure, join me on one of mine.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson

(Stolen) Question of the Day

My favorite poet/writer on Twitter posed this question today. I'll share my answer below. Share yours in the comments or your own blogs.

What is one thing you learned/cherished about yourself in 2009 and one thing you wish to leave behind forever? ~ @basseyworld

I learned that I can do anything I set my mind to and no matter how unconventional, risky, or scary, things will work out. I know this sounds trite - like something your parents or mentors tell you - but I really felt and lived it this year. Looking back over the year, I made less money than I have since graduating from undergrad and I did so much more than ever before. I took 4 trips this year which isn't unusual for me but two of those were actual vacations - not just booking a flight and crashing at a friends place. Plus, I traveled to France. I know people with full-time jobs who wouldn't ever think of doing any of those things. I'll write a separate post but I also did some other pretty cool things that I wanted to do despite the fact that this has been my craziest and least financially stable year yet. So I cherish my ability to step outside of my box or to expand it. I value the inner voice that helps me deal with disappointments and bad times knowing that it will all work out in the end.

On the other hand, while I trust myself, I don't trust other people. I would love to leave that behind. While trust shouldn't be given freely, I find that I don't even trust those "closest" to me. Those that I do trust seem to be so far away and the settings in which I feel comfortable sharing with them only happen once a year at most. Perhaps this is by my own design. I hope to leave this behind to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with friends and family. I hope that I can do this and hope that others can prove themselves worthy of my trust. Being vulnerable is not comfortable and has never felt safe for me but it's time for me to do it anyway.

So this is what forgiveness feels like? I doubt anyone noticed but I actually deleted my blog a couple of weeks ago. I was in bad a place and instead of reaching out I withdrew. I didn't call people. I canceled plans. I stayed in my room and watched TV. I deleted my blogs. Since then, I've come up with all these great reasons why it was a good thing to get rid of it - maybe it would make me journal or finally finish my website. Despite all of that, I can't tell you how hopeful I was when I went to change my profile picture and saw that I had 3 blogs and how excited I was when I saw the "undelete blog" link. It's like getting a second chance. They don't happen often in real life but I'm thankful for this virtual one.

Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past. ~ Unknown