"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha

Look What I Made!

I took a glassblowing "experience" workshop on Sunday. I've been talking about taking an art class since my 28 by 28 and never got around to it. So when I got this opportunity, I was excited and nervous. My last art class, a ceramics class, did not go so well. I was in a class with more advanced students and an impatient teacher so I was worried that glassblowing would be similar. I was pleasantly surprised. The instructor was patient, encouraging, and allowed me to make what I wanted. I was still a little worried that it wouldn't turn out right because we couldn't see the true color. I picked it up today and I love it. I made it to match my office so I can bring myself fresh flowers. I would love to take an 8-week session but the only thing stopping me is the $575 price tag.

Something's Gotta Give...

I love my friends...

but over the last few weeks, and particularly over the last few days, all I can do is *sigh*. Over the years, I've accepted them as they are and haven't made much of a fuss about anything but lately it's starting to bother me. I try not to take much offense or lay too much blame on them because I understand my role in our dynamic. I don't call, except those who never call me. When we talk, I rarely share very much about what's going on with me (usually because there isn't much, I don't do drama). However, as I attempt to reach out more, deepen the relationships that I have, and trust people to be there for me, I can see the not-so-healthy patterns that have evolved. The phone call not returned for months, that I used to brush off, now stings a little bit. The silence or quick return to their own drama after I've shared my own problems used to be undetectable but now it simply hurts. My usual pattern is to dismiss minor stings until one day, I'm fed up, without warning. At which point, I need space which usually lasts until things are uncomfortable. When I'm ready to discuss my issue, people are already on the defensive but the pattern usually doesn't change so the friendship fizzles. I know I've got to do something different. It's time for some tough conversations and maybe even losing some friends but something's gotta give...

Friends are made by many acts and lost by only one. ~ Proverb

Friends are forever, you might lose them but you'll never forget them. ~ Unknown

The ones who are bound to be your best friends must lose your trust just once to prove that they can win it back. ~ Unknown

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~ Anais Nin

Happy New Year!

My NYE celebration was extra low key but very necessary. I spent it with great friends. I felt reconnected for the first time in a long time as I shared my dreams and fears. I listened and also felt heard. I spent the morning with them eating, laughing, and committing to strengthening our friendship in the upcoming year. Then, I spent hours sitting around the kitchen table with my grandmother listening to her stories, jokes, hopes, and sorrows. Later in the day, I woke up to a message from someone I hold dear (but have taken some time away from) telling me to take all the time I need to become the person that I want to be. This was comforting and reassuring. All in all, it's been a great 24 hours. I'm looking forward to the next 8,736 hours and wondering how my next year's eve/day will be different (though I really wouldn't change a thing).