The Five Love Languages

My girl, the Maven, and I were discussing friendships and relationships at the beginning of the year. During the conversation, she said that I had to read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. To show just how serious she was, she bought me a copy of the original book and the book for singles. I've had such a hard time being "still" long enough to read a book but I finally buckled down and read the singles version last weekend. Here are the 5 love languages.

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

These languages not only apply to romantic relationships but friends, family members, coworkers, etc. The point is to know and speak the language of those around you to strengthen relationships by filling up their "love tank." It's pretty interesting.

I learned that my primary love language is quality time followed by physical touch. It's not that surprising in hindsight. When asked what I like to do, I say it doesn't matter as long as I'm with my friends. I travel all over the country just to visit friends and can't wait to hug or rest my head on the shoulder of my college friends. Also, the people who I've gotten angry with or distanced myself from have failed to come through in providing quality time. Whatever their reasons, I thought they didn't care or didn't regard my feelings. Maybe they just didn't know how to speak my love language.

If you're interested in learning your love language, you can borrow one of my books or you can click here. If you are not romantically involved, you can think about your ideal mate or friends and family.

Let me know what yours is so I can do my part to make sure you feel loved.

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. ~ Morrie Schwartz

The Resilient Rooster

You know I love my job. We deal with a difficult subject matter and there are a lot a changes that are, at times, difficult to handle. Today was particularly rough for me but I work with some amazing and random people. You can find us talking about anything from changing the world to sex toys. Today's topic was the Chinese Zodiac. We read everyone's general description of their sign and most of them were surprisingly accurate. Here's mine.

The Resilient Rooster

By Marie Diamond

Efficient and intelligent, Roosters love to show off their talents. They want to be the center of attention but at the same time are very generous to their friends and loved ones. They appear outwardly very strong-willed and energetic but are actually full of fear and worries on the inside. Committed to themselves, Roosters are hypercritical of everything and everyone, especially if they are not getting enough respect from the other animals on the farm. They can be inflexible, with beliefs and opinions that tend toward fanaticism.

Roosters just want to strut their stuff. They are fashion gurus and are unafraid to create their own unique style. People admire them for the colors they wear, their pleasing outfits and dashing ingenuity. Roosters want to be successful, and their enduring self-belief makes them sure -- cock-sure, in fact -- that they can handle everyone and everything. Eager to know all there is to know about any subject that interests them, Roosters often show impatience and a lack of humility -- they want only the best when it comes to material things. It might take Roosters a while to reach their goals, but it's likely they'll succeed, as Roosters are generally too proud to accept less than the best. They are perfectionists, which serves their ambitions but may be hard on those around them.

I think it's accurate, except for the fashion stuff. It was a little weird having it read out loud but isn't that my daily challenge? What do you think? Does it describe me? Check out your own here.

Baby Steps: Lent

I've never given up anything for Lent. I don't even think I knew what it was until undergrad. I thought about it. I talked about it but never really considered doing it seriously. However, for some reason, I decided that I would do it this year. I went through a list of my vices and came up with an equally long list of why giving them up just won't work at this point in my life. So, I've decided to give up binging.

I realized that I binge on a lot of things - chocolates, chips (hell food in general), alcohol, bad TV, shopping, bad moods, surfing the net... I could go on. I don't binge to the point of concern and it's generally not a regular occurrence. Sometimes, though, one episode of SVU turns into a marathon, checking my email leads to endless web-surfing, and please don't let me near a bag of chocolates. So I haven't decided to give up any one thing completely, except sex (lol), but I am going to practice moderation. I'm hoping that this time will allow me to reflect upon the role binging plays in my life and the purpose it serves. Like all of the goals I set for myself, I'm hoping to learn and grow in the process whether I achieve my goal or fall short.

So to all of you seasoned Lent observers, am I doing it right? What are you giving up?

Self-Care Update

I took care of myself this week! I made an appointment for a massage and facial and booked a flight to the bay area to play with the BBG homies (big ups to kismet and boogie for getting their tickets and pushing me to make that purchase.) Travel stresses me out, especially with my new work schedule, but the time I spend with my girls is always healing.

Today's spa experience was awesome. I had a great massage and had some serious skin issues addressed. It did make me think about going on a spa retreat though. Who wants to leave a relaxing spa and then head back into the hustle and bustle (and traffic) of city life. I might plan that into my self-care travel schedule. I plan to visit at least 3 more cities to see friends and climb a mountain but I want to plan a real vacation every year. It's not too early to start thinking about this year's real vacay.

I also bought two massages via groupon so I have at least two more massages to look forward to for the next year!

Money vs. Passion

I'm facing a dilemma. I love my job. I love the work that I do. If you had asked me what I wanted to do, ideally, I would have described my job. The problem is that I probably would have added about 50% to my salary also. As a school counselor, I could add that 50% easily but I doubt I'd love my job nearly as much. I've been an educator before and school politics are not my thing, even when I was only responsible for my 32-36 students. Money isn't everything, I know, but the additional income would allow me to do things like own a home. The schedule would also be more suitable for my need to travel and see the world.

I'm scheduling a meeting with an admissions counselor next week so that I can do my internship and be certified as a school counselor but I really don't know if it's me. Sometimes I think the money just isn't worth it. I remember quitting a part-time paid tutoring job because I felt like it was helping to expand the achievement gap that I was working full-time to close. I usually follow my heart and my values. Then, a school social worker calls me because they can't handle a situation or don't know how to help a particular student and I think, why shouldn't I get that extra 50%.

Do I follow my passion or the money? Maybe I'll just play the lottery and keep my job.

What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us. ~ Julia Cameron

You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can't take their eyes off you. ~ Maya Angelou

Money is like a sixth sense - and you can't make use of the other five without it.
~ William Somerset Maugham

All Dressed Up with Nothing to Wear

B.'s 28 dresses post made me want to take up the challenge of buying 28 new dresses as well. That is until I realized that I probably have 28 unworn dresses hanging in my closet. Today, I decided to count. It came to a total of 24 new (well, never before worn) dresses. (It would have been 25 had I not worn a new dress for b.'s birthday.) I don't even want to count the dresses I have only worn once. You might be thinking "great, you have enough dresses to get you through the year." Technically, you'd be right but I'm trying to decide what to wear to an event tonight and find something that works for a museum and a party tomorrow night and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to wear. I still like each of the dresses but thinking about accessorizing them or even what shoes to wear gives me a headache. I'm trying not to go shopping to keep my finances in order. So, what's a girl to do? Any stylists out there?

Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.
~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Just around the corner in every woman's mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her.
~ Wilhela Cushman

Self-Care

Maintain a conscious, focused program of self-care.

These words are written in one of my notebooks, probably from a training that I attended. I've been glancing over them lately as I write my to-do lists or grocery lists but I haven't taken time to put these words into action. I realize that self-care is essential in my fiel and life in general. I need to make it a priority. Right now, it's pretty haphazard. I eat, zone out to TV, call a friend, talk to coworkers, listen to music, shop, isolate, reflect, and blog. Some of these are positive, others not so much. I'd like to develop a program. It's hard because I'm not involved in any classes nor do I have anything on my regular schedule besides work and sometimes going to the gym. Here are some ideas that I have.

• Read - Set a goal.
• Workout - Set a regular schedule.
• Dance - Enroll in a class.
• Art - Enroll in a class or plan to take a workshop regularly.
• Journal
• Blog
  
• Hang out with friends/attend a social event once a week.
• Reflect on my vision board at the beginning of each week (at least.)
  
• Travel
• Develop/maintain a financial plan to minimize stress.
• Address issues with friends and family as they arise.
  
• Call friends. This is a constant struggle.

Ok. I could probably come up with more but send suggestions if you have them. I need to look for classes and create a self-care calendar. Do you have a self-care plan? If so, what is it? If not, what are you waiting for?