My girl, the Maven, and I were discussing friendships and relationships at the beginning of the year. During the conversation, she said that I
had to read
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. To show just how serious she was, she bought me a copy of the original book
and the book for singles. I've had such a hard time being "still" long enough to read a book but I finally buckled down and read the singles version last weekend. Here are the 5 love languages.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
These languages not only apply to romantic relationships but friends, family members, coworkers, etc. The point is to know and speak the language of those around you to strengthen relationships by filling up their "love tank." It's pretty interesting.
I learned that my primary love language is quality time followed by physical touch. It's not that surprising in hindsight. When asked what I like to do, I say it doesn't matter as long as I'm with my friends. I travel all over the country just to visit friends and can't wait to hug or rest my head on the shoulder of my college friends. Also, the people who I've gotten angry with or distanced myself from have failed to come through in providing quality time. Whatever their reasons, I thought they didn't care or didn't regard my feelings. Maybe they just didn't know how to speak my love language.
If you're interested in learning your love language, you can borrow one of my books or you can click
here. If you are not romantically involved, you can think about your ideal mate or friends and family.
Let me know what yours is so I can do my part to make sure you feel loved.
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. ~ Morrie Schwartz
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